Dear What Is It With Mom
Dear M,
My mother has been acting so different. Strange. Out of character. I don’t think that she has any new ailment per se or that she has a degree of pain that could be causing a difference to the way she interacts. It’s hard to explain. My children and others in the family have noticed it. My sisters have said the same to me. “What is it with Mom?” We can’t wrap our heads around it. Since COVID-19, she’s had to spend a lot of time alone and she doesn’t tend to reach out to her friends. So, she sits a lot of the time. I worry that she will go downhill. What can we be doing?
Dear What Is It With Mom,
A range of emotions can flood us during this time of adversity. I like to suggest to those around me that they think about only today. It is not yesterday and it is not tomorrow. It could be called the “new normal, “but I would like to propose that we experience this time as the “now normal.”
If throughout our lives to date, we really didn’t know what our future would bring, we really don’t know now with “the COVID Curve Ball.“ This back-handed throw has sent many people whirling, others spiraling down and some so uncertain and worried about so much in their lives.
Be as patient as possible with your Mom. Try to imagine the possibility of being in your 80’s or 90’s and think for a moment about the descriptive of life-altering or life-changing. At your age, you have a greater chance of thinking that you will still have years to live beyond this pandemic! Not necessarily so for an older person. Not to sound like “Debbie Downer” right here, but we must do our best to be empathic.
Talking “at a social distance “ on a screened porch with one of my clients in her later 80’s the other day, she told me that she worries so much of the time now. She misses seeing people the way she used to and she worries that she might never be able to see some of her children and grandchildren who live far away.
Think about her words. Feel. Do all you can to be in front of her on screen or even better, in person at a distance. Remind other people to visit outdoors or at least call her. Many older clients have smartphones or tablets and are able to text and FaceTime with family or friends. Some with tablets or laptops can still be engaged in meetings and seminars and performances. This is what we are striving for! Human beings need others. Some need a pet. Some have both in their lives.
So, in summary, I am suggesting that you take some deep breaths and try to understand why your mother might be acting different. She has reason to do so at this time. Maybe, just maybe, you could talk about your own experience. She may feel the invitation to share with you.
