Dear I Need Connection
Dear M,
I am uncomfortable asking this question. I have to believe that there are other spouses of people diagnosed with some form of Dementia who are feeling the loss that I am experiencing. For two years now, I have been taking care of my husband who little by little is no longer able to attend to his personal or social needs without me. I love him dearly but I feel so much loss. I have lost my “go to man.” I have lost the conversations that we have had for years. I miss his ability to fix things around the house. I miss his affection. I need connection. I really miss having an intimate relationship. I really think that this may be the only place that I can ask what I am supposed to do about my own needs. Is it okay to have a male friend? Is it okay to have a man whom I have a sexual relationship with outside of my marriage? I hope you won’t judge me.
Dear I Need Connection,
Sexual activity is considered a “normal” human drive regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age or race. Most human beings hold innate desire for sexual intimacy to varying degrees. In your circumstance, you are missing the feeling that you emotionally and physically derive from sex. You are also missing your connection with your spouse. Companionship is invaluable. No other person will be your spouse but if you should choose to relate to another person, that is totally your choice. There are people who will judge you, so I imagine you will be discreet. When experiencing this unique loneliness, it is not unusual to find oneself “just wanting to be held.”
