Dear Is This The Way I Will Live Out My Life
Dear M,
I am a relatively well older man. I am able to get around and my mind is good. This year has been really hard for me and for everyone I know. The isolation has been the most challenging for me because it wasn’t that long ago that my Partner died. We were together the past 27 years after we both divorced our spouses. We’ve had an active life. She had two children and I had two. We spent a good deal of time with our adult children and grandkids in recent years. It was so hard when we found out that she had Cancer. We did all that we could. I lost her about a year and a half ago, not long before COVID-19 hit. I really hadn’t had time to heal. I was still feeling lousy and wasn’t used to doing everything by myself. This being in isolation has been the worst thing for me. I am really down in the dumps not being able to see my family. I am afraid. Is this how I will live out my life?
Dear Is This The Way I Will Live Out My Life,
You are not alone in your feelings but that does not change the fact that you are alone. When you wake in the morning and you climb into bed at night and when you have seen something of interest on tv or have read an interesting article in the paper, who are you going to turn to? Who were you accustomed to turning toward to share a conversation? I am going to guess that it was your Partner. Sure your children will tell you to pick up the phone and call them, but you are aware that they have their own lives and you do not want to lean on them. But you know what? Most adult children have shared with me that they do want to continue to be a part of your day to day life and would rather have you connect with them than leave them wondering about you. Please consider picking up the phone and call them. Ask if it’s a good time or is there a better time. That is considerate of their lives. They will let you know.
During this pandemic, It is not uncommon to hear people younger than 60 saying “this too shall pass” about this long stretch of time and disruptions in our lives. That’s not necessarily so for many people 60 to 100. I have had many conversations with older people who recognize that there are only so many years left to their lives and they have now lost about a year. That is
A LOT of time to lose when you are any age, but it closes in even more when one is in their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. I hear you and empathize with your concern that this is not the way you want to live out your life. Keep your distance, reach out to old friends and family and try your best to think about what you will do when this pandemic ends. We must try to think about brighter days…a time when we will touch and hold the people we love. Let us remain hopeful that you will have years to reconnect and create and cherish later life.
