Dear Tell Children To Get Along
Dear M,
My three adult children just don’t get along and I just don’t know what I can do about it. It was one thing to deal with this a number of years ago, but now I am getting older. I want to be able to get together with all of them but they don’t want to do so. I also want to ask them to help me with certain things but then the other one(s) get all upset. Is this my problem? Do I tell my children to stop this behavior and get along?
Dear Tell Children To Get Along,
It is absolutely not your responsibility to get your adult children to get along. I suppose years ago, when they were children, if they were not getting along, you would have a few things to say about it to them. Now they are grown-ups and those days are over! It is NOT your job to do what you think you could do to change the way it is. It is what it is! For whatever reason(s), whether it be issues from years ago when one felt that the other didn’t play with them to not being picked as a bridesmaid or a traumatic incident, it is not for you to sort out.
Many other older parents have shared similar stories with me over the years. Oftentimes, people think that everyone else’s family is fine and why does mine have to be this way. Well, guess what? It is incredibly common to find adult children who are very different from one another. At a minimum, they truly don’t care for one another or feel anger, resentment and more. You may or may not find solace in knowing that you are not alone with your feelings.
It sounds like this is awkward at best and troubling for you. Maybe it occupies a space in your heart that is broken. To whatever extent you are feeling this, it is best to speak with a friend you can trust and/or a professional person about these issues. I say that because I doubt that their relationships are going to change at this point in their lives. They most likely have no interest in “mending.”
So go your “less than merry way” with this situation and live your life to its fullest finding joy with one or more of your children at a time. They will feel less stressed and more present to enjoy time with you. The same goes for you. Ask whichever of your children you want to visit or go somewhere together. Accept their invitations to go sightseeing, shopping or sharing a picnic. Find your happiness in whatever way you can.
You are in charge of YOU! Reach for the joy.
