Dear Expression of Self Being Judged
Dear M,
I am sick and tired of the looks that I get as a 60 year old woman living in the suburbs! Why do people look at me? I would like to think that it is because I am attractive but I believe that it is because I dress a bit more “hip” and wear an edgier haircut than most other women of my age. There should not be a “clothing/style police.” It seems to me that it is downright ageist to think that any human being cannot wear what they feel comfortable in and not have to feel judged. I overheard one woman at a café table say to the other, “Don’t you think she’s trying a little too hard?” I guess that I want you to answer my question for all the people; every gender, not just me. What do I do when my expression of self is being judged?
Dear Expression of Self Being Judged,
Firstly, you need to be self-assured and happy in your expression of self. There is nothing more important than for you to feel whole and happy and renewed and alive in your presentation. If you look in the mirror and like what you see and are truly comfortable, then you walk tall! There may be all too many people that just don’t dare to do so but wish that they could show their true selves. We live so much of our lives walking the right way, wearing the correct length dress, wearing our hair the appropriate length at a given age, having to wear makeup to the grocery store and not piercing or tattooing because it is for someone else.
So much energy has been spent conforming to the “right” way to dress and to behave. Who set that standard? What culture or race or faith or community played a role? Whose voices in our heads have said “no you can’t” when we so wanted to do something or wear something or act in a different way. Who has held the right, the power, the wherewithal to establish the “right way?”
Secondly, if you want to dye your hair or pierce your nose or climb Mt. Kilimanjaro or dance until the sun rises, why not do so? It shouldn’t matter to you that others stand to judge you. It is high time that you “hold your own,” do what you want to do and just be you. Regardless of age, if you want to express your authentic self and live your best life, please do so. Life is so worth living!
